My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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