Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
