smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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