so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
