so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
40s are totally the cure
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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