The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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