I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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