Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
