i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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