i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
