Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
