So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
