Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
