we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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