No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
