and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
