Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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