i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
