wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
