Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
