It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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