Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
