I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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