Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
