We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
