if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
