My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
