this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
