Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
