smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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