i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you inspire me to be a worse person
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
