What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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