So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
