Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
