Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
