Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize