Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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