is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
