you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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