so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
