i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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