Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
