life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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