we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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