maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
operation have a gay friend backfired
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
