i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
is it fun? or sober?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
