My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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