this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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