no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This is not my ceiling
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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