Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize