I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
