So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
