is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Floor bacon is actually really good
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
