so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
