I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
