Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
