Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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