No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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