There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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