Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
