is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
