a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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