U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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