I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
