he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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