I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
