dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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