you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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