if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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