she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
