Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
