last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
