If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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