8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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