In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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