Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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