Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
