By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
